Not-dogs are Not the only ones~! ‘Fresh’ from a roving NYE zombie-must-find-brains party, my funny-bones did clatter indeed, to stumble across a fine range of faux-human recipes for the discerning vegetarian cannibal. Undoubtedly, a diet of Not-Flesh is the only way to explain the faux-superhero activities of the parkour people cluttering up the web lately.
Fake Meat 101
While the desire not to cause suffering, not to be involved in slaughter of innocent creatures, is behind the meatlessness of say – Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi, DaVinci, Van Gogh, Thomas Edison, Orlando Bloom, Steve Jobs, and Lisa Bonet of the Cosby show – most aspiring vegetarians sharing these desires, claim they’d miss the taste of meat too much. However as every good Buddhist fake-meat chef knows, the taste and texture of meat is easily replicated by preparing thinly sliced and layered gluten ( gluten is known as seitan in Japan and kofu in China ). As a low fat, high protein firm-textured meat substitute ze gluten, it has filled ze bellies ze world over for thousands of years. Eat eat ( http://fake-meat.blogspot.com ).
Fake Meat 102
“Human flesh is supposed to taste like pork, which makes sense since our biochemistry is more similar to a pig than to a chicken or cow. Probably depends how you cook it.”
– posted in the ‘soy-based substitute for our fellow beings?’ thread at www.half-bakery.com.
“When you get a chubby little kid to eat, he tastes really good. The extra fat marinates the meat and makes for a great dinner. When we’re done, we all get new outfits, so it’s a pretty good deal.”
– Midget Cannibal Society
Not-Chicken, Not-Sausage, Not-Bacon, Not-Duck, Not-Shark-Fin and the like are all well and good. But what of the fine young cannibals the world over, who would prefer not to let their fellow humans suffer, whilst still struggling to bury their deep desires for the taste of fellow human flesh? Googling articles about last year’s infamous German Cannibal will reveal references to a ‘cannibal scene’ of considerable depth and breadth. Where are the buddhist chefs targetting these people, and the plastic supermarket faux-flesh packets when new-age cannibals push their trolleys into the sensitive aisles?
Lest it become a never-ending question, diligent net research is needed to uncover recipes to satisfy curiosities, appetites and perhaps market niches. Send your links here when you find them, this is the only scraping so far –
Creative Recipes for the Socially-Conscious Cannibal.
More Funny Bones?
Cannibal’s recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.
A cannibal’s favourite type of TV show? Celebrity roast.
A cannibal’s favourite game? Swallow the leader.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.
Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, “Gee, I hate my mother-in-law.” The 2nd replies, “So, try the potatoes.”
Parkour People
David Belle founded this urban obstacle sport, which seems part ninja-skateboard-spiderman. His site is on it’s way, but in the mean-time check out www.le-parkour.com, www.parkour.com and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour for a range of crazy rooftop jumping photos and videos by these stuntkids soon to be breaking bones and tearing muscles in a city near you. Complete madness.
Tsunami Aid
Politics and relative effiencies mean that tsunami victims will get less or more of your aid dollar, depending on which organisation you donate to. These links highlight some of the better ones to help tsunami sufferers with:
www.aidwatch.org.au & www.networkforgood.org/topics/international/earthquake/tsunami122604.aspx